Here was a woman who I thought was my good girlfriend. I think, "My ex is dating my friend" is very common, especially if you live in the suburbs, They will assure you that they are your best friends and that you are loved. How to deal with a friend dating my ex-girlfriend? It's hard to navigate them well even when both of you have the best character and. TLDR, found out my, now ex, best friend has been dating my, now ex, girlfriend of almost two years a week after we broke up. Feels like i don't.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex, and this is why | Metro News
If he gives you the go-ahead, go for it. If you want things to get complicated and emotionally painful, wait until your friend learns of your relationship second-hand, or if you ask your friend his feelings and ignore them. Those are the ways things are going to go bad. So ask, they're your friend so you should be able to ask them their opinion on this, no need for complicated stories -- "I know you and your ex broke up Yes or no answer.
The relationship is virtually certain to be unsatisfactory for both, and not what either person actually needs. When that relationship ends, you won't have a girlfriend and you won't have the friendship of your old friend, and then what will you do? Just give it up. Tell her that you would like to reconsider the question of a relationship after she's had plenty of time to heal and process her last one.
You'll be dodging a bullet on both sides. Personally, I would recommend that you decide whether you want to proceed with the relationship, and think hard about that.
The consequences are yours to own. Discuss with your new girl, and if you both want to go ahead, then tell your friend. You can't control his emotions or reaction, but you can be honest. If they're friendly, but trying to get over each other, give them time and space to do that.
If this lady and your friend dated seriously for a long time, then neither one is ready for a new relationship. Be friends with both and keep things friendly for now, and give it more than two weeks before you start dating. Keep seeing your lady-friend as a friend. If you don't want to date other people, don't, but don't move this relationship to a dating level until enough time has passed that they are both over the old relationship and ready to move on.
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He might think you're a giant asshole for dating his ex a few weeks after they broke up and he's entitled to think that and there's not much you can do to mitigate it. So, it's up to you: You have every right and reason to make whichever decision you feel is in your best interests, but you can't control the fallout from whatever choice you make. If the connection is in fact meaningful enough to potentially risk your relationship with your old friend, it will survive the months needed to let the temperature drop and give her space to process her very recent ex-relationship.
You don't date a friends ex. Don't date a fresh ex. Let's the dust settle. Then maaaaaaybe something happens but in all likelihood probably not. You are within your rights to date this woman, but it would hurt him, and you would do it knowingly.
It would not be the kind of behaviour I would hope for from a close friend. Anonymous, and the possible mother of your children?
My Ex Girlfriend is Dating One of My Friends
If so, go for it, but do make a point of telling him so at least he doesn't hear from someone else and think you've been sneaking around. He doesn't own her and no one is being unfaithful so it is okay to do something you know will hurt him if that much is at stake for the two of you. If not, think very carefully about whether you want to do something you know will hurt a good friend in order to date someone who may well be on the rebound.
I don't know why this sort of thing feels like a betrayal, but it does, and you should take that seriously. It taints how people see you, even if it's categorically untrue.
Your good friend will have this thought cross his mind at least once. Do you want to cause this sort of schism in your relationships?
My Ex is Dating My Friend! How to Handle it and How to Keep From Going Insane
If she's really all that and the two of you are a good thing, cooling off for a few months to a year will be good. Build a firm foundation - that's like rule one in successful relationships. If she's just a fling, have a fling with someone else. I'm not sure you really want someone who jumped from a boyfriend to his best friend of a decade within one month of the break- least of which could be her playing out a reckless rebound.
FWIW there is no judgement from me here, and no odds-placing. My husband of 10 years was the boyfriend of a friend. We are obviously not friends any more. My former best friend had a fling with a then-recent ex of mine and I didn't find out about it for a few months. The fact that he kept it from me made things worse, and our friendship didn't survive it.
I didn't expect any kind of "honorable" behavior from my ex, but I did expect it from my best friend. I felt really betrayed by the whole thing. All that said, if you value your friendship with this person you should stay far, far away from this potential mess.
But I do have a pair of friends who got together about six months after the guy broke up with another girl they'd both been friends with. Pair of friends has now been married for more than a decade, so it seems ridiculous to say they shouldn't have dated. BUT it did torpedo both of their friendships with First Girlfriend. All this time later and that friendship never recovered. So if you feel strongly about this woman, go for it, but know that your friendship with her ex is likely toast unless he chooses to not hold a grudge.
I'm very much of the "he doesn't own her and has no say in who she gets to date" school of thought, but while that is absolutely true it's probably not going to mitigate his hurt feelings for the near future. None of us can know, that's why the answers all bounce between no and yes.
I would trust your gut. What is reasonable is that if you both feel such a strong connection, you cool it for a bit and you can see if it's real or just a rebound and you can talk to your friend. Though I know how hard waiting is when you're really into someone The only clear thing is that you must talk to the friend if you do go forward. Do not let him hear about it some other way.
That's hurtful, demeaning and puts your relationship in the light of skulking in the shadows. And while you're walking away, you might want to do some thinking about why you want to be in such a dramatic situation.
What you're doing is, well, pretty destructive to yourself, your friend, the woman, and your ties with and to one another. Like people said above, if this is going to work, it will work later. If you must, you can wait awhile until the dust has settled. Not that we actually dated either, we just started hanging out all the time.
My friend was pretty hurt, and it almost ruined our friendship. A few months later the ex got pissed that i was still friends with him and quit talking to me basically entirely, even though she knew at the outset i wasn't just going to quit being his friend.
My Ex is Dating My Friend! How to Handle it and How to Keep From Going Insane | HuffPost Life
This is the sort of thing you do like a year later. Maybe even more, if you're going to do it at all. And really really ask yourself if it's worth it. Or at the very least, inconsiderate and tactless. I'm really really not in to any kind of bro-code sort of stuff and i'm not saying that at all here.
I'm just saying that the Average Reasonable Person would likely be upset if their friend did this to them, and they wouldn't be a whiny baby for feeling that way. I just really really see this ending as it not working out, or her getting bored, or realizing she wanted to spite him more than anything and leaving And my ex convinced him not to tell me she, somewhat misguidedly but with good intentions didn't want to hurt my feelings, and i believed her years later because she was just sort of bad at gauging that stuff.
When i found out i actually wasn't that mad it happened, just sort of disappointed Maybe this is your future wife, or muse, or whatever it is that you're looking for. If this is the case, you'd be missing out on years of potential passion if you passed up on this girl for the sake of sparing your friends' feelings.
Like I said, this is a tough one. You've got a hell of a decision to make. Accordingly, you should treat this like any other important decision, which is to say that you should get as much information as possible. First, be real with yourself. Is this girl really special to you? Is there actually an uncommon reaction between you — some sort of deep compatibility that's worth alienating your friend for?
Or is she just an attractive person who finds you attractive, too? Those two things are so, so easily confused.Dating My Ex Girlfriend's Best Friend
Approach these questions with the maximum possible skepticism about yourself. If you feel fluttery every time you talk to a pretty girl, keep that in mind. If you're currently lonely and you really need to get laid, consider that maybe you're just desperate.
And dwell on the fact that some of your excitement might just come from the taboo nature of this potential relationship, because, like everyone else, you want what's off-limits. If I were a betting man, I'd bet that your crush on this girl is just like any other crush. It's a fun illusion, which, if pursued, might reveal a great relationship, or might not. Odds are, that's what this is, in which case you should probably just sigh, move on, and hit up your online dating site of choice, where you can find lots of other crush-worthy women.
I found out about this the hard way, in a similar situation. Tom, one of my childhood friends, was always kind of bummed out, until he met Josie, a fast-talking, high-energy woman who brought him out of his shell. They had a sparkling relationship — they were one of those couples that just radiated warm, gooey, nauseating passion — and I was super envious of it.
Also, obviously, Josie was an outrageously foxy person: There was only one weird thing about her, which is that I would occasionally catch her looking at me a little funny.
I suspected that she had a low-key crush on me. About a year after she dumped Tom abruptly, leaving him a sniveling wreck, I discovered that I was correct. We ran into each other at a party. Flirting with each other was easy, taking each other's clothes off was easy, and it felt like fate — like absolute magic — and it kept feeling like absolute magic for about a month, at which point I discovered that she was kind of boring, or at least that we bored each other. In the end, I got about five dates out of it, in exchange for an irreparably ruined friendship.
Tom found out, and he never forgave me. Now, if you're sure that this is not you, that this is Real Love you're looking at, then what you have to do is tell your friend what's up. Tell your friend about your intentions, and ask him if there's any way you can make the process easier for him.
This conversation will not go well. Because, again, you're declaring to an old friend that you're prepared to disregard his feelings. That's the truth of the situation. There's no two ways about it.