Looking for a great outdoor activity for the kids? Get them into a Cat and mouse game! It's a fast, fun and exciting game to keep the kids. These are the questions from the “cat and mouse” game of dating. do the dishes, and when we have kids she could be the one who takes care of the children. withoutyouitsjustnot.us Dating Article: Does it ever seem like the Dating world is a world completely unto its own, While games were fun to play as a child however, the games adults play are far more manipulative, and involve our Cat & Mouse.
Jonalyn & Dale Fincher: Cat and Mouse Dating
You've now been approached in three different high-drama situations when you weren't available, when he was about to get married, and when he was just separated and traumatizedbut never in a low-drama situation.
That's not necessarily disqualifying, but it bears consideration. I think the most likely explanation is that this guy chases what he can't have, and that this isn't a promising situation. However, I do think there's a chance that this guy is acting in good faith, and is pursuing a feeling that is meaningful to him. That his previous relationships were failures on their own terms, and that he has had feeling for you that have persisted over the years. I really don't think it matters right now.
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- Step #2 – Get a 2 foot string and tie it around the tissue
- Common Sense says
Running with the possibility that this guy isn't just a ball of bad drama, there are things you remember about each other that are wonderful. But it sounds like these things are completely remembered, that you haven't actually had persistent contact through the years. Maybe he remebers this kind, beautiful girl that he never had the chance to see how things played out with.
Maybe you remember him, and he was creative, or funny, or enthusiastic about life. I bet you're still kind, and maybe he really was and still is that basically good person he was in high school. But you've both changed and grown so much in the years since you've known each other.
Changed in really important ways. Maybe you've changed in compatible ways, retaining the qualities you both have been drawn back to each other by. You just don't know that yet. So you might not need to cut him out of your life absolutely yet. You just need to be really, really careful. You need to get to know each other again, and you need to do that in a healthy space.
And he's not in a healthy space right now. Maybe he's unhealthy because he's an unstable drama bomb who pines over his fantasy of perfection.
Maybe he's unhealthy because he's dealing with a huge change and breakup in his life. Either way, I think your best step here is to be out of contact with him for a few months, at least. If this is a good thing, if it's genuine on both sides, then this will give him a chance to recover and balance out. If he's bad news, it will probably become more apparent. Pay attention to any red flags.
Proceed slowly and carefully, and if it truly feels safe you will get to know each other again. And you'll be in a place to make a better decision. And you'll feel a lot better about this huge thing in your life that feels so unresolved. Good luck, be safe. By 12th grade, I had a boyfriend and after graduation I moved for college. He contacted me several times over the years but it was usually the same situation, I was in a relationship or another city.
He's not an insane stalker -- he's had the same friends since elementary school, very close relationships to his primary family, has lived within 10 miles of his childhood home his entire life and is an upstanding member of the community. In fact, these are many of the qualities that attract me to him, he feels like home. We have some shared history, we have very similar socio-economic values and beliefs, I believe he has a lot of integrity yes, he had cold feet about his marriage but, as mentioned above, he never once contacted me while he was married.
And keep in mind, the mother of his child had an affair and left him -- not the other way around and he's devastated. For the first time, we're living in the same city and I've been single for over a year which is good timing for me but clearly it has to be good timing for both of us.
As far as "baggage" goes, I think all adults have histories. I'm thrilled that he has a child as I have none of my own and feel ready, willing, and able to be a step parent if that opportunity were to arise.
I haven't spoken to him for three days we were speaking everyday and it's already given me a lot of clarity -- as have all of your comments. There's no fire here. We don't have to be together right this very minute. I think we could talk one or two times a week. And see how he's feeling in a few months or a year. In the mean time I just need to keep doing all the things I'm doing. The thing is, if he's that great a person, why would you ask something like I have no choice but to just get on with my life right?
If the answer is he just needs some time and you have to take it slowly, why put it like this? He was never married to the mother of his child. She bailed a month before the wedding set for 5 months ago. We've been on half a dozen dates and on each date the ex comes up in some way shape or form the most egregious was a three-hour conversation where it became clear that he couldn't figure out why she prefers to sleep on friend's couches than be in her home with a man who loves her and her 3 year old child.
So it's not that he's some monster. And I am at a point in my life where my career is established, my life is in order, and my number one priority right now is creating a primary family of my own.
My dilemma is whether I'm getting in the way of my goals by pining for an unavailable man or whether I'm being impatient with what could be the right man. You're totally right though -- I haven't done an excellent job of presenting this in a coherent way. My apologies posted by GIRLesq at 9: In both cases, the guy, while not evil or malicious, has wasted years and years of their lives.
The women in question never allowed themselves to be fully committed to or present in any romantic relationship, because they were always holding out for the guy, even when he got married. Both of these women were called by the guy right before his wedding. One had woken up and cut the guy out of her life, and she's happy now. The other has not, and she's not. It's clear, from the answers that you have marked as best, what you want to do here. I'd just like to gently point out that you want to keep doing the same thing you've been doing for 20 years.
Where has it gotten you so far? Seriously seems like too much dramatic bait and switch, but maybe that's just my taste. If you can't date him casually, don't date him at all. Because she's "crazy about him", they're both finally single at the same time and have actually gone on dates. Yet he is still reeling from the mother of his child rejecting and toying with him. She's soooo close and yet so far, hence the frustration. Good luck GIRLesq and let us know how things go, please.
AskMe threads stay open for year hint, hint.
It wasn't clear to me why she'd decide to go no contact with him unless she was afraid of him, nor why she would ask us to tell her to go no contact with him unless she expected us to see him as dangerous. He's still stuck on the strange finale with his last partner, so she's content to be a soloist for a bit. But even when they hang out as friends, they start fiddlin' with each other.
But again, she doesn't want to play second fiddle, so she was wondering if she had to keep away from him, before they become an dysfunctional orchestra. The "problem" isn't that he's so bad, but rather that he's so good that resisting the pull is difficult. It's more like after being pursued for so long, I finally see the light and am ready - but I have some fear that his ex will return or that he won't be truly available for years.
And I know a player when I see one. He's always been the guy that wanted a serious relationship, a family. This hesitation can turn some women off however, as most women "instinctually" want a "strong" and decisive man The Telephone Game - once contact has been established.
Your phone becomes your best friend or worst enemy, depending on what message, if any, it's delivering. How long should I wait before calling?
Will they call me? What did they mean by that text? OMG I shouldn't have sent that text! Maybe something's wrong with my phone This game is where it can really start to get ugly, and it also has great potential to backfire. This is where we try to show the other person that there are other people interested in us these could be real or imaginaryand therefor we're a very valuable and important person. Three hundred inches so far.
My dentist married an Olympic skier. So we are really excited our son is skiing, but we have no hopes that he will be an Olympic skier, he is too cautious. Last night I was privileged to be on the sex panel for the women… Dale: So those two questions, the first one for the women. This is kind of a Bridget Jones style question. Women, have you ever felt like there just aren't enough good men initiating and asking women out?
Where are the good guys? Do you ever feel like they are just not initiating enough? And guys, do you feel like you are expected too much to be the initiator? That to be a good boyfriend you have to have an endless amount of resources in your wallet? Now, cat and mouse, why did we choose that? Like in the old cartoon I used to watch, Tom and Jerry, when the cat is chasing the mouse, and the mouse is always trying to devise ways to beat up on the cat.
And so they end up becoming a rival to each other, even though it looks like one is bigger than the other one and chasing him around.
So in dating, one of us, and this can be the guy or the girl, plays unavailable, detached, hard to get. We expect one to pursue and the other one to run. We give a little, we take a little, we hold them back long enough to keep them hungry for more. Teasing, flirting, sexual energy are used as ploys and tools rather than as gifts. So where are you in this game? Some of you are better at this than others.
Some of you are more attractive, but you're not so good at playing this game. Some of you are not as attractive, but you've mastered how to work a room. And some of you are really attractive and you know how to play the "cat and mouse" game, and when you walk into the room, you know the power you have.
The longest cat and mouse game - Exes healing | Ask MetaFilter
And the rest of us watch you walk in and all we think is: No, no, no, I'm not pointing fingers. Is that what you think? Some of you played "cat and mouse", and you found the boyfriend or girlfriend you're dating right now, and it worked great! You're in the great relationship!
Thing seem to be going really well.YOU'VE BEEN A BAD MOUSE! - RATTY CATTY
What we wanna say this morning is that the "cat and mouse" romance is built on a model that in the end is very confusing. And even worse is difficult to back up with scripture for the very simple reason that nobody was dating in the Bible.
A VICIOUS Game of CAT & THE MOUSE your Family will LOVE!
We don't get the courtship model, we don't get the dating model in the Bible. So, when Dale and I were dating and we got married, we were trying to find any tools on how to make this work as smoothly as possible, and so we played the "cat and mouse" game, but we found ourselves confused. We thought the Bible wanted Dale to be Mr. Cat, and I was supposed to be Mrs. And we brought that into our marriage. And, you know, it's not that we really talked about it, it's just assumed.
The expectations are upon you, and I felt like to be Mr. Cat meant that I need to be the boss. It meant that I had to be the expert on the important things, that I had to be the one ''in-the-know", that I was to have the last word. That I was supposed to be the boss, and Jonalyn was supposed to be, in some ways, my secretary.
I felt like, well, Jonalyn, because she is the mouse, she needs to do the things I don't believe are important, like - she could take care of the house, and she could, you know, do the dishes, and when we have kids she could be the one who takes care of the children. And what is interesting is that while I was believing that, I had a lot of Christian men even encouraging me that I needed to make sure that I kept my wife in her place.
And I encouraged it. I mean, I thought the man is the head of the wife, the man is the head of the woman, that these scripture passages meant that the man was the authority over the wife. And so, in our romance and in our marriage I made sure my role was met as best as I could, and what was my role? Number one - be smokin' hot. Number two - make sure all the meals are put together, the kitchen is your domain.
Which we hadn't had at that point, but I felt like I had to be ready for that. And these were things not just modelled or encouraged by people who explained scripture to me, these were modelled by generations of my family back. Some of you know exactly what I mean. The women took care of the kids, stayed home and made things great at home. And I found, as I was trying to fill this role, I couldn't keep up. I was trying to use my gifts and passions, getting a masters in philosophy of religion, holding down a full-time job teaching while also having a hot dinner at home every evening.
I felt like I had to do everything naturally, make it look easy, and yet at the same time felt like I was never enough. And I saw what was happening to our marriage, I felt like there were all these unnecessary burdens on us.
I mean, I did the dishes before I got married, why did all of a sudden marriage say: And then I saw that Jonalyn was really good and had some great gifts in things that I wasn't so good at, and I began to wonder why is she not allowed to be good at the things she's good at? And as we processed this, we started to push against and ask questions. Are we trying to fit into certain roles, or do we need to create roles that fit us? Do we need to put aside the cat and the mouse and create something different for our relationship, for our romance.
I realized I couldn't keep asking Dale to lead us everywhere he thought God was saying we should go, so that I didn't have to have a working, walking relationship with Jesus. I realized that I was asking Dale to be more of Jesus, so I didn't have to be. You can see how living as "cat and mouse" hurts our romance because from the very beginning it sets us up to be competitors.