I Kissed Dating Goodbye was published in and quickly became a hit among the Evangelical crowd. Here was this young guy, only Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for I Kissed Dating Goodbye at withoutyouitsjustnot.us Read honest and unbiased product reviews from our users. Gift Wrap Available. Be the first to review this product I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his.
The Bestsellers: I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Tim Challies
The US church was afraid of sex and sin, and so we became afraid too. I read [IKDG] sometime in my early twenties. I was always an avid book reader and since I took my evangelical faith so seriously, I wanted to learn all I could about dating. Even in the black churches that I attended, this book was widely read. I think that was probably why I avoided it for so long.
I also read some of Not Even a Hint. In the spring ofI started a hashtag noshamemov short for No Shame Movement so that people would have a platform for sharing their stories of growing up in purity culture. This evolved to a Twitter account and then Tumblr. It came up so often I finally decided to check it out from the library.
As a teen and young adult I knew some of the basic concepts of the book: So for a long time, I tried to pray that out of myself.
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These warped ideas of agency and power have really skewed our idea of partnership and marriage. Honestly, me finding my own voice within my own faith and also my own life, has been a huge relief for my husband and myself. But while we have power there, we have power so many other places.
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On Purity Culture Keisha: From the very beginning, the Church has been chief police of all of the rules and chief judge and executioner for people who stray from them. As I started studying sexuality, I learned a lot about how pre-colonial cultures defined sexualities and how the family norms that we developed were and still are presumed inferior to the ones the White Church insists on.
The part of that story that affects me and my family is that a British church Anglicanism with restrictive sexual rules imposed itself on enslaved Africans in Jamaica, and some of those enslaved people later converted to an American church Adventism that also had even more restrictive sexual rules.
And then you oppress yourself and call it holiness. I actually remember it being taught in my eighth grade health class. There are so many implications beyond that though: There have been studies about how people who break purity pledges are more likely to do so without protection. Also, I think this book is representative of purity culture as a whole. This book is the result of purity culture.
People are born in, shaped by, and have familial connections around these ideas, connections that are threatened if people dare to challenge them. And in a culture like that, we are primed to ignore our orientations, our sexual desires, and to excuse the abuse that so often happens.
Sympathy is not repentance, and not knowing Josh I have no evidence that he has divested from either the IKDG franchise or the theology that made it so influential. But in order for me to really take it seriously, I need to see him publicly, formally apologize and say where he is now. But on the other hand, at what cost?
I know that Harris was part of the bungled rape cover up at The Gospel Coalition. And in that wake of that he talked about his own molestation as a child.
And I definitely have sympathy that he was just a kid himself at the time. He was a token of this purity myth. He was their golden child. I cannot imagine how good that must have felt.
I will never be an anointed Evangelical leader. But I also think, as a leader, he has some real accountability and he is responsible for so much damage. Damage that probably would have persisted with or without the book.
But was made very possible by the book. He was a handsome wholesome popularizer, and he is therefore responsible for his influence in spreading the model. On Finding Freedom Sarah: Harris recalls a dream of walking into a room with a library catalog, each note card cataloging everything he has ever done.
This is how an apparently sixteen year old Harris thinks of his lustful thoughts: I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I think I'm finally at a place where I'm really trying to listen to those voices. And I think it's taken time for the consequences of the way that people applied the book and the way the book affected people to play out. And so I'm hearing these different voices saying, here's how your book was used against me, here's how it was forced on me, or here's how I tried to - no one forced it on me, but I tried to apply it and it had this negative consequence in different ways.
I'm trying to go back and really evaluate, you know, where did my book contribute to that? Where was it too stringent? And where was that me and what I was writing, and where was that - the families and the church cultures and so on?
So I feel like I'm on the front end of a process to help people in some way if I can apologize where needed and re-evaluate where needed. As you have gone back through the book, where have you changed your mind? Honestly, I haven't engaged that process of reading through the whole book and saying, this is what I think about all these different areas. I think one area I am seeing is that - where my book was used as a rule book to say this is the only way to do it.
I know that that's not helpful. That was not my intention. But I think one of the things that I'm changing in my own thinking is I just think people - myself included - it's so easy to latch on to a formula. You know, you do these things and you'll be great.
You'll be safe and you'll be protected and you'll be whatever. And I just don't think that's the way life works. I don't think that's the way the life of faith works.
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And so when we try to overly control our own lives or overly control other people's lives, I think we end up harming people. And I'm - I think that that's part of the problem with my book. That's such a hard needle to thread, though, right? If you're Christian, you believe that there's a way to live a life. There are rights and wrongs. And so how do you stay true to that and at the same time be open to other people's views that may exist in contrast to those rights and wrongs?
Well, you're exactly right. I believe that the Bible does give certain commandments and guidance and so on. I think, though, that it's really easy for Christians to take truths from God's word and principles and then in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways add extra human regulation onto it.