Several years ago, I decided to set a new dating policy. I would always ask out any girl I was interested in. The policy was not for the faint of. How Five Non-Negotiables Fixed My Dating Life My potential mate does not have to be thin or muscular, just scrubbed clean on a daily basis. Before you jump into a new relationship, take this time to give yourself a moment to really think about what you want in a partner.
15 Questions You Need to Ask When Dating
One of the greatest causes for conflict in marriage are contradicting core values. We all have values that direct us and help us make decisions — problem is most of us have never articulated what those values are.
Not all values are the same and sometimes you can have two very good people with very good values, but those values can feel at war with each other.
15 Questions You Need to Ask When Dating
Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.
Take me for example, one of my core values is authenticity. I struggle being in a job, friendship, situations, etc. Thus my career path has been anything but straight-forward, which could drive any sane person crazy.
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Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path.
Too many marriages start and end with vague and un-identified core values. Are you fitting and conforming to some abstract idea of what you think they want?
Or are you blossoming and flourishing into who you really are? Which leads into Question 6…. Does this person challenge me to be a better, authentic version of myself?
Is your partner trying to force you to become like some figment of their unrealistic dating imagination? Or are they challenging you to become a better, authentic you? Not trying to change you, but trying to bring the best to the top.
Or are they trying to bury you under a pile of dirt? How does their family communicate? And am I comfortable if this person begins to communicate with me in the same way? However, for many of us our fallback communication plan will be the one our parents laid out for us. Holidays, especially, are giving you a glimpse into how your partner has been taught and trained. And the test will come like a train on a dark and stormy night! Do they love from their insecurities or do they love from their strengths?
3 Relationship Behaviors That Are Non-Negotiable Dealbreakers | HuffPost Life
Does their love demand? Or does there love give? Love can be the worst form of manipulation there is. Your partner can look and smell like a rose, and yet continue to prick you with their sharpened barbs. Does your partner seek out ways to understand how you receive love and meet that need? Do you do the same? When someone loves from their strengths they know who they are and are drawing from a deep, full well to give to you without demanding a drink in return.
How does my partner handle money? Is your partner a saver or a spender? Are they willing to honestly talk about money at all or is the topic taboo? Honestly, going into marriage with my wife I really struggled talking about money.
I let money and the honest conversations about it become a wedge in my relationship. Conversations about money can be the great time bomb in a relationship. When you think about your future together, can you list three things that you think would be excruciating to let go?
Maybe leaving your home state and your family feels like an impossibility. Maybe you never want to work a standard job in a cubicle.
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Identify what you feel are non-negotiables now so you can avoid any large, gaping ravines ahead. Does religious faith play a role in your present and do you want faith to play a role in your future? I would not consider a relationship with anyone mastering less than four non-negotiables.
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My friends thought the five non-negotiables were an odd approach until I explained what a valuable tool they were in my hunt for a mate, especially since I was using an online dating service. My friends now think the five non-negotiables are a brilliant idea.
My mother, who does not pry into my personal life beyond asking if I am happy, was encouraging and kept telling me to stick with the non-negotiables, despite the level of complexity they added to my dating life. I was not about to spend time in a relationship with another liar or cheater. The very simple concept of honesty tripped several people up, which was a shocker to me. This is a bit of a spin off of the first non-negotiable and was put in place to make sure my mate would not be involved in illicit activities.
Drug dealing, gun running, auto theft, human trafficking, making methamphetamine, counterfeiting, money laundering, tax evasion, and engaging in acts of prostitution are all deal breakers. They were deal breakers before I created the non-negotiable list.
I just expanded the list to re-enforce the concept that my mate needs to work for a living and have a W-2 or a W-9 to prove it. It was apparently easier to blame me than to put the fork down and go exercise.
My potential mate does not have to be thin or muscular, just scrubbed clean on a daily basis while living in a safe environment with minimal dirty dishes in the sink, no laundry piling up, clean sheets on the bed on a weekly basis, and no trash stinking up the home or the car. If my potential mate has pets, children, or elderly parents, those living beings must be taken care of as well. I was shocked at the amount of people who failed this one, as it should be common sense to treat everyone with respect.